


every hug in the morning (and butterfly kisses)

by challaudaku



Category: History is All You Left Me - Adam Silvera
Genre: M/M, i am in pain after this book
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/challaudaku/pseuds/challaudaku
Summary: a missing moment from theo's pov





	every hug in the morning (and butterfly kisses)

**Author's Note:**

> 701 words, by google docs  
> hey fuck you ffn for not having an archive for this

I miss you.

It’s wrong, Griff. I shouldn’t miss you. Fuck, Griff. I miss you and I miss your face and I miss your appearance.

Fuck. That’s only three reasons and I know you wouldn’t roll with that. One second.

I miss those kisses.

There, that’s four.

You know the kisses. The butterfly, the caveman, the Eskimo, the zombie. I miss you here and I miss you kissing me like that.

Which isn’t fair at _all_ , because Jackson is sitting right besides me, next to my bed. I’m somehow on his left, which feels slightly wrong. I belong on the right. _You_ belong on the left, but you’re not here, so…

I do love Jack, though. Don’t misunderstand me, _please_ . _You_ broke up with _me_ and I have every right to move on and love someone else. Of course, you have every right to hate me for that. You have the right to hate me down to my heart, but at the end of the day, it’s _him_ in my bed. Not you. I’m sorry. I really am. I loved you too, Griff.

Why’d…?

I lean my head onto Jack’s shoulder and try to push you out of my head. It’s not an easy task. It never is. We’re sitting on the floor, heads against my bed, just listening to the silence of my single dorm room. I don’t think either of us are used to having no one bust in at any moment. It’s liberating. I could fuck Jack on the floor in front of the door and not even worry if Manuel will be coming back from some party.

Right now, though, I just want to kiss him. So I do. I kiss Jack and it’s kind of messy because Jack is a sloppy kisser. I’m not even going to lie. He kisses like a little kid eats pasta, noodles in their hair and sauce on their fingers.

You were more tender, more soft and caring. And there I go again, thinking about you. _Why can’t I get you out of my damn head_?

I pull away from Jack and he looks disappointed. I’m slightly disappointed in myself, if I’m being honest. It was a nice kiss. It was messy, but nice. I like Jack’s messy kisses.

But I don’t want his messy kisses. I want _your_ kisses. The four kisses. I want them _so badly_ , Griff.

“You okay?” Jack whispers, his breath hitting my nose. I nod, pulling him closer so that our chests are touching.

“Okay, Jack, this is a really stupid thing,” I start, staring straight into his hazel eyes, “but I just…”

I lean my head closer and move my head so my eyelashes swipe against his.

“This is a butterfly kiss,” I breathe to him. I do it again, and he follows my lead, a small smile on his face. I move my hand to the back of his head and tilt it so it’s touching my forehead. “This is a caveman kiss,” I tell him, smiling back. I rub my nose against his nose, trying to do it as smoothly as possible, but I always sucked at this one. You know that. “This is an Eskimo kiss.”

I hesitate before the last one. The one _we_ made. I shouldn’t be doing this, I _know_ , because this is _our_ thing. I shouldn’t be sharing this with Jack. I just want some of that magic that we had _here_. There’s some type of magic with Jack, but not the same.

Still, I stopped at three. I need to make it a round number. If there’s one thing you taught me, it’s that odd numbers suck.

“This is a zombie kiss,” I say before sucking at his cheek, letting a little growl out of me. He laughs, and it’s a nice laugh but…

It’s not you, Griff. I know you’ll kill me if you find out that I let someone else in on _our_ thing. I just need _this_ . With _you_. But I know that we both made the choice to not have that.

I push that all out, though, kissing Jack normally, trying to suppress a sigh that’s building up in me.

I miss you.


End file.
